Dec 21, 2008
Cows & Politics Explained joke
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
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The cristmas parrot joke
A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife.
The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for; a beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter.
The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night." The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him.
The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot's special talent. Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells."
The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead. Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and the bird begins to sing:
"Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!"
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Down a deep hole joke
Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can't see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen... Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that's a deep hole!"
Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder block and pitch it over the side. The pause and listen intently... They hear a sound, but it is coming from behind them! They quickly turn around to see a goat bearing down on them with it head lowered, flying along, its feet barely touching the ground, its moving so fast!
The two men dive out of its way just in time and the goat plunges past them, into the seemingly bottomless hole, to its doom. The two look at each other and say, "Boy that was close! We'd better get away from this thing before we end up with the goat!".
So they continue on their way down the road until they happen across this farmer working near it. The men again put their heads together and figure that the goat belongs to the farmer and the decide to tell him what happened.
"Hey Mr. Farmer. Do you happen to own a goat?", one of the men asked.
The farmer replies, "Yeah, why do you ask?"
The men then tell what happened at the hole and how they narrowly avoided death in the hole from the speeding goat.
The farmer said, "Well boys, I don't think that was my goat. You see, my goat is really old and crippled up with arthritis. There is no way he could have been moving that fast. Besides, I have him tied to a big, old cinder block."
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Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son joke
Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...... Yes"
Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."
This is how business is done!!!
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Laloo jokes
Joke one:
Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas. So he called up the tourist department and asked them “Ji could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas?”
The man at the other end replies “One second sir…” and Laloo immediately replies “thank you” and puts the phone down.
Joke two:
At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo’s left tells the bartender, “Johnnie Walker, Single.” And the man’s companion says, “Jack Daniels , Single.” The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, “And you, sir?” Laloo replies: “Laloo Yadav, Married.”
Joke three:
Once Laloo prasad yadav took some photos with a herd of buffaloes , Next day the photo appeared on the front page of a Bihari newspaper. Guess the caption!! ‘Laloo,third from left!’
Joke four:
India and Pakistan conflict was successfully solved by our own Lalu ji:
During a meeting with the President of Pakistan, Lalo ji told him that since u want Kashmir to be annexed to your country, “chalo hum aap ko aur ek freebie dethein hain…bihar bhi laylo”
Mr.Musharaff immediately withdrew his demand for Kashmir.
http://cheerandup.blogspot.com/
Bill Clinton And Laloo joke
Bill Clinton decided to teach' Laloo English,so he invited him over to the US. Laloo arrives
in full grandeur. Bill announces to the nation that they should not be disturbed during the
tution inside the White house, they are locked up in a room, and Bill starts teaching Laloo
English. Days pass by and weeks pass by, but there is no sign of them coming out.
The whole country and its economy has come to a standstill, and press,news reporters from all
over the world are waiting outside eagerly to find the outcome. At last one day, the door opens,
and out comes Laloo -beaming his resplendant white smile, looking cool and unruffled. However,
Bill looks totally dazed,his clothes are torn, his hair is completely ruffled, and he has
scratch marks all over his face.
Theshocked reporters ask Bill, "What happened Mr.Clinton ?"
Bill replies : "Ee babua hamar kuch bhi naahi sunat hai !"
http://cheerandup.blogspot.com/
Dec 20, 2008
Zindgi hai to
Zindagi hai to Khwaab Hai
__Khwaab Hai To Manzilein Hai
____Manzilein Hai To Fasaley Hai
__________Fasaley Hai To Rastey Hai
_____________Rastay Hai To Mushkilein Hai
___________________Mushkilein Hai To Hausla Hai
_________________________Hausla Hai To Vishawas Hai
_____________________________Vishvas hai to Paisa hai
_______________________________Paisa hai to Shohrat hai
_____________________________________Shohrat hai to Izzat Hai
_______________________________________Izzat hai to Ladki hai
_____________________________________Ladki hai to Tension hai
________________________________Tension hai to Concern hai
__________________________Concern hai to a Khayaal hai
______________________Khayaal hai to Khwaab hai
_________________Khawab hai to Growth hai
__________Growth hai to Zindagi hai
______Zindagi hai to khwaab hai
__Matlab duniya Gol Gol hai
Bas ghumnewala chahiye
http://cheerandup.blogspot.com/
Non -Veg Jokes
Aik train main daku ghuss aaye or pporee train ko loot lya,
Beti:daddy main nay apne ring save kar le or usay apne pussy main dal
dya,
Daddy: Good .. Agar ye idea apni ammi ko bata datein to humara
SuitCase bhi bach jata......
Boy to Girl: sex kartay hoay zyada maza larki ko aata hai ya
larkay koe?
Girl: agar tum apnay kaan(ear) main ungle(fingure) dalo
gay to kaan ko maza aata hai ya unglee koe....
Girl: I m like a radio, my left nipple is volume, my right nipple
id tuner,..
Boy turns both but there is no sound.
Girl Said, Stupid neechay Cell(batery) tera baap dalay ga.
Question: Why do most men prefer to kiss a woman's lips?
Answer: That's the best way to shut a woman's Horizontal mouth &
open the Vertical one...!
Once a boy came late to class.. Teacher said to him: tumhien
periods k miss honay ka zara bhe ehsas hai ?
Boy Said: jee.. bohott ehsas hai .. tub say jub say mere sister k periods aana ruk gaye
thay .. ammi bayhosh hoe gain thin abbu ko heart-attack hoe gaya tha
or mazay ke baat ye k humara driver bhe bhag gaya .... ;)
Larka Larki say: tum gana bohot acha gatey hoee ..
Larki: nahe yaar main to sirf bathroom singer hon,
Boy: acha... to kisi din bulao na dono mil k Mehfil jamatay hain ..
A Girl Sitting in Examination hall with Sardar je..
Girl: main aap ke naqal mar loon?
Sardar: Aahooo.. tu mere naqal mar lay phir main tere Asal maroon ga ...
Laloo Special joke
1) Laloo enters a shop and shouts, “Where’s my free gift with this
oil?”
Shopkeeper: “Iske Saath koi Gift nahin hai, Lalooji”
Laloo : Ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE “
2) Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him:
” God, When shall I see The defeat of Bush? “
God replies:” Son, you will not see it in your lifetime.”
Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away. Gen Parvez
Musharaff visits God and asks him:
” God, when shall I see the Capture of Kashmir by Pakistan. “
God replies:” Son, you will not see it in lifetime”.
Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts crying and goes away.
Laloo Yadav visits God and asks him:
” God when shall I see Bihar Becoming a prosperous and happy state ?
” Hearing this, God starts crying. Laaloo is astounded and asks:”
God, why are you crying?
” God replies:” Son, I will not see it in my lifetime.”
3) Once Laloo was coming out of the Airport. As there was a Huge
rush, the security guard told Laloo “WAIT PLEASE”, for which Laloo
replied “85 Kgs” and moved on…
4) Laloo’s family planning policy : DON’T HAVE MORE THAN TWO
CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR
5) At a bar in New York , the man to Laloo’s left tells the
bartender, “JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE.” And the man’s companion
says, “JACK DANIELS, SINGLE.” The bartender approaches Laloo and
asks, “AND U sir?” Laloo replies: “LALOO YADAV, MARRIED.”
6) After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides To go
modelling. Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and Resting his
elbows. On the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day
the photo Appears on the front page of a newspaper. Guess the
caption !! ‘Laloo, third from left!’
7) A reporter asked Laloo “What is the main reason for divorce?”
Laloo replies “Marriage”.
8) After completing a jigsaw puzzle he’d been working on for Quite
sometime, Laloo proudly shows off the finished puzzle to A
friend. “It Took me only 5 months to do it,” Laloo brags. “Five
months? That’s too long.” the friend exclaims. “You are a fool,”
Laloo replies. “Read the box, it says “5-7 years”.
Dec 19, 2008
What if doctors make flim?
Socho agar doctor film banate to title kya hota?
1. Kabhi khansi kabhi jukam
2. kaho naa bukhar hai
3. TB no 1
4. Kal patient ho na ho
5. Hum blood de chuke sanam
Desi Divorce Argument
A man and his wife were seeking a divorce at a local court. But the custody of their child posed a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the child into this world, she should retain custody.
The man also wanted custody of his child. The judge asked for his side of the story too.
After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and argued, 'Your Honour, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?'Hai koi jawaab???
Dec 16, 2008
What is marriage?
1. Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffeRING.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can’t face each other, but they still stay together.
19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
21. I married Miss right; I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
22. It’s not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
25. WIFE: Let’s go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lighs on.
26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN’T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
28. It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.
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Dec 15, 2008
Testing Girl?
Never love a Testing girl since she always doubts U.
Never love a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key.
Never love a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house.
Never love a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE.
Never love a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS.
Never Love a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always.
Never love a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core.
Never love a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal.
Never love a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families.
Never love a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles.
Better marry a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY
BDV-223779-BDV
What is the difference between men and women? joke
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
.2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance
Dec 13, 2008
The Great Sardar Kidnap
A Sardar was down on his luck. In order to raise some money, he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
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He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
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He then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put 2 lakhs in cash in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Sardar."
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The Sardar then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
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The next morning the Sardar checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.
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He opened the bag and found the exact amount of money as demanded with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Sardar?"
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"Pines Rise Up"
Pine trees rise up together from the forest floor, filling the rich blue sky with the green of their branches
Photo Gallery: Translucent Creatures
An opalescent squid uses its giant eyes to navigate the nighttime waters around Papua New Guinea.
Dec 11, 2008
"Deep Creek Canyon"
View of Deep Creek Canyon from the Flat Tops Wilderness Area. Taken on July 31, 2008 in Colorado, USA.
Indian - Pakistani egg dispute
There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
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One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
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They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."
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The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.
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Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
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The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"
Dec 10, 2008
Dec 9, 2008
Dec 8, 2008
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Dec 7, 2008
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